Gods of Our Misunderstanding in A.A. - Not Just for Atheists & Agnosticj

PREFACE

This book was written by a recovered, sober, alcoholic atheist author as a somewhat rambling, occasionally irreverent, light-hearted poke at the well-meaning but immensely God-laden doctrine of A.A.

My two companion daily meditation books, Daily Reprieve: A.A. for Atheists & Agnostics and Design For Living: Daily Meditations on the 12 Steps of A.A. for Atheists & Agnostics, focus on my experience studying the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and completing its 12 Step program. Those two books were written to show not only atheists and agnostics, but anyone, that we don’t need to believe in God to recover, but we best believe in something beyond ourselves.

When we suffer we seek relief, and will try almost anything to ease our pain. When I accidentally cut myself, I clean it up and look for a salve to alleviate the sting, whether that salve is a fancy drug store ointment or a homemade mud pack if I’m camping.

When we have emotional pain we do the same thing; we seek relief from our pain. If our emotional pain is chronic, we experiment with a variety of remedies until we find one that works, and then we hang on to it, usually until it stops working or starts to harm us. Then we seek an alternative solution for our emotional pain; hopefully one that won’t destroy us and works even better.

Alcohol, drugs, tobacco, gambling, sex, exercise, work and many other chemicals and compulsive activities can distract us and change our brain chemistry just enough to bring us emotional relief in the short term. Long term, they don’t work, so we need to find something that lasts a lifetime and doesn’t kill us during the interval.

I’m not a Buddhist, but their Four Noble Truths say that suffering exists, it arises from our attachment to desires, it ceases when the attachment to our desires ceases, and that freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path of right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.

Like Buddhism, A.A. says that the root of our troubles is selfishness and self-centeredness, but unlike Buddhism, A.A. says we need God to ease our suffering, which in my experience isn’t true.

Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.

This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. (How It Works, Big Book, p.62)

In the spirit of A.A.’s Rule 62, which suggests we not take ourselves too seriously, I wrote this book for fun after learning that there are over 4,200 different religious groups worldwide for me to choose from, including at least a thousand Christian ones, and that there are at least a thousand different English translations of the Bible.

With so many religious groups and denominations, so many gods, and so many interpretations of the Bible, which one is right? Which one, if any of them, is “the true Truth” that I need to believe in which will free me of my addiction in A.A.?

I remember going through A.A.’s 12 Steps for the first time. My kind, experienced born-again Christian sponsor and I would discuss A.A., God, the Bible, spirituality and religion for hours on end every week while sitting outside on the patio of a Starbucks coffee house, where we brought our own coffee and Big Books.

I easily came to believe that no one can overcome alcoholism by relying solely on one’s own will-power; otherwise none of us would be in A.A.

Total self-reliance in life doesn’t work, whether we’re an addict or not. We all need help. I always accepted that I needed the very human help of my family and fellows in getting through life, but I didn’t appreciate how much, especially as an alcoholic, that I needed some type of non-human support, nutty as that sounds.

I asked my sponsor, as a life-long atheist, how could I have a “God of my understanding” if I never believed in God? How could I understand or relate to something that never existed for me? It’s like trying to identify with a unicorn or Big Foot—what is there to understand other than they are myths?

Despite my “God dilemma” in A.A., I never took another drink, completed the 12 Steps and found a wonderful new way of living. I fully recommend the A.A. Fellowship and its 12 Step program for anyone who has a desire to stop drinking and is willing to ask for and accept help.

Like A.A. co-founder Bill Wilson, I also support, should it be needed, the use of complementary recovery support from qualified physicians, psychiatrists, clergy, counselors or whatever legitimate means is available to the alcoholic (See Bill Wilson’s “Let’s Be Friendly with our Friends,” Grapevine articles from July, August and September 1957).

Be aware that some of the comments and recommendations in this book are serious and sincere, whereas others are satirical, sarcastic and said totally in jest. If the alcoholic or lay reader is confused or unable to make the distinction between the two, take no action and discuss with your sponsor or advisor.

Having said that, we live in a country where 45 million American families are affected by addiction. The statistics are horrible. Over 20 million adults have a substance use disorder and 17 million people have an alcohol use disorder. Each year, over 72,000 Americans die from drug overdoses and about 88,000 die from alcohol related causes.

Sadly, less than 10% of people suffering with substance abuse and less than 7% of those with alcoholism get the help they need and deserve.

A.A. has provided me with a “kit of spiritual tools” that showed me not only how to quit drinking for good, but how to live a sane, sober and fulfilling life. The A.A. toolkit consists of two things:

1) the Fellowship, or the people power of A.A., and a

2) Design for Living, which reflects the spiritual power of A.A.

The Fellowship consists of meetings, a home group, service work, sponsees and a sponsor. The Design For Living consists of the Big Book and 12 Step program.

What is the spiritual power of A.A.? It flows from the Big Book and the 12 Steps. Wilson described spirituality as Humility (Steps 1,2,3) plus Responsibility (Steps 4 to 12). Many of us think of Step 1 as our life of Chaos, Step 2 as our Conviction we aren’t God but need a Higher Something, Step 3 as our Commitment to no longer being solely self-reliant, and Steps 4 through 12 as our Conversion, or our slow change in attitude and actions as a result of the spiritual awakening we receive during our Step work.

Many alcoholics come and go in A.A., for many reasons. And many people “find God” in A.A., but they never find A.A. They foolishly convince themselves that God alone will keep them sober, when God will do no such thing.

Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well.

He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self- sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.

Let him see that you are not there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink. Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. (Working With Others, Big Book, p.93)

Bill Wilson was a self-described alcoholic agnostic before he reunited with his friend Ebby Thacher, who shared how he got sober:

The door opened and he [Ebby] stood there, fresh-skinned and glowing. There was something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different. What had happened? I pushed a drink across the table. He refused it. Disappointed but curious, I wondered what had got into the fellow. He wasn’t himself. “Come, what’s all this about?” I queried. He looked straight at me. Simply, but smilingly, he said, “I’ve got religion.” (Bill’s Story, Big Book, p.9)

My friend sat...